a contradiction about prayer

[gherkin]

[Kage_ar]

Not to go too far off topic, however, join a real-life group for parents of people with autism. There are many of them, and very few are uber-rich. They have life insurance policies, they are banking the SSDI payments, and have made arrangements for extended family to care for their kid after their death.

[Peetem]

If I may speak more directly to your situation:

Asking for a cure for autism is a big ask, and I can't think of a whole lot of examples of healings of that sort. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it is not likely. You don't have to give up asking for it, but I suggest you also ask that, no matter what happens, your son be taken care of.

I know it is not likely. That's why I'm thinking of giving up since it is a waste. God keeps saying no.

The only other way my kid would survive is if I somehow became very wealthy (like multi-decamillionaire) then I can arrange for him to be taken care of after we die. Unfortunately, that's too much depending on money for my taste for that ask, so I preferred to ask for the healing, that way I depend on God.

So how do I discern whether I should stop and just give up since God says no for 14 years or keep going hoping for a St. Monica miracle.

1) Nothing is impossible to God. Jesus said we could move mountains. I don't think he meant this just figuratively.
2) There is a cause for sainthood for a man whose leg grew back after it was amputated. I cannot recall his name, but its well-documented and a clear case of God doing the seemingly impossible.
3) While odds may be low, we simply never know, until it happens, what God will do.
4) God wants us to persevere. Sometimes that means simply praying for something that we don't get an answer too until we are dead. However, the very act of persevering in prayer is what God deems as the greater good for our souls than something seemingly impossible. In addition, God also may know that an answer to a certain prayer, while a good in and of itself, might be a stumbling block to our salvation (or someone else's) down the road because we/they ceased being humble, became slack in our/their faith, etc.
5) There is zero cost to continuing to pray. Literally zero.

I will add that my youngest daughter has Down Syndrome. She takes a lot of work. A lot. Wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone. Love her exactly as she is. And my prayer for her is always good health and her salvation. But, in our situation, I'm not asking for her to be healed from Down Syndrome. Why? Because she doesn't sin. She has no concept of sin. She has no idea what's morally right or morally wrong. She only "does her thing" and is happy and sweet and kind and loves everyone. So in her case, being "typical" would open her up to potential moral failings. And I'd like to think at least one of my kids might "make the cut" if you know what I mean.

[Peetem]

My wife of over 58 years died last week after 12 years of suffering from extreme dementia. That's a nightmare for her caregiver.

I composed a prayer that helped:

"Help me Father. Help me to love this woman more today than I loved her yesterday. Help me to love her even more tomorrow.

Help me to grow and increase my love for her every day, day by day, as long as we live.

Help me, Father, to be stronger, kinder, and gentler, to be more patient, more understanding and more loving every day, day by day, every day as long as we live.

Help me, Father, to be a better man, for her sake."

This prayer works, but you have to be sincere and you have to MAKE it work.

Do not pray for the burden to be lifted from your shoulders. Pray for stronger shoulders.

I am so very sorry.

And thank you for posting such a beautiful prayer.

[BobCatholic]

1) Nothing is impossible to God. Jesus said we could move mountains. I don't think he meant this just figuratively.
2) There is a cause for sainthood for a man whose leg grew back after it was amputated. I cannot recall his name, but its well-documented and a clear case of God doing the seemingly impossible.

The only thing that is impossible is God doing something outside of His will.
If God said no, He's not changing His Mind.

4) God wants us to persevere. Sometimes that means simply praying for something that we don't get an answer too until we are dead. However, the very act of persevering in prayer is what God deems as the greater good for our souls than something seemingly impossible. In addition, God also may know that an answer to a certain prayer, while a good in and of itself, might be a stumbling block to our salvation (or someone else's) down the road because we/they ceased being humble, became slack in our/their faith, etc. [/qoute]

This assumes God never said no, but rather said "not yet"

I have no idea if He said no or not yet. All I know it is not a yes, and I can't tell the difference between that and no or not yet.

5) There is zero cost to continuing to pray. Literally zero.

Except sin. If God said no, and I continue to ask, I'm committing a sin. Impatience and unwillingness to accept God's will are sins. I don't want to go down that road so that's why I want to give up praying for this and just accept the fact I'm a total failure.

I will add that my youngest daughter has Down Syndrome. She takes a lot of work. A lot. Wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone.

I never said I would trade my son. I love him and want the best for him. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong.

I worry about what happens to him after we die, since we are not rich and don't have money for a private home for him to take care of him.

[Obi-Wan Kenobi]

As long as God's will is not clear to you, you are not sinning by praying.

[Obi-Wan Kenobi]

But I do have a suggestion for you. I don't recommend that you reply to this because that tends to put a person in defensive mode, which isn't a good situation for listening.

God loves your son even better and more than you do. You need to rely on that completely. Then your prayer can look like this:

"Lord, I love my son. I want only the best for him. I believe that the best thing for him would be healing from his autism. If not that, then the next best thing would be financial security for him. I ask for these things, but I know that you may have a different plan. Though it is hard, I will work to trust in your plan instead of mine, and I will work to entrust him totally to your care."

[Kage_ar]

Fr. Knobi, that is a beautiful example of prayer in so many circumstances. Thank you.